Posted on Mar 12, 2015 |
Question submitted to “Ask the Rabbi” by: Name: Dawn Full Question: “During the betrothal time, while the groom is preparing their home, are the bride and groom allowed to see one another or speak to one another?” Rabbi Tully Bryks responds: I’m not sure what you mean by the “betrothal time”, but if you are referring to a time period after a couple is engaged, there are several different customs. Some people will not speak or see each other at all once they are engaged, even if the engagement period lasts several months. Others will refrain from seeing each other, but will still speak. While most communities do not have a blanket rule against either of those, many will still keep contact to a minimum once they are engaged. During the week prior to the wedding, there is a widespread custom to refrain from seeing each other (which some apply to speaking as well). And the most prevalent and universal custom is to refrain from any contact the day of the wedding itself. As a result, the practice of postponing some of the wedding pictures until after the ceremony can be a difficult balancing act between trying to adhere to this custom, while at the same time, not placing a large burden on the wedding guests, by making them wait for the bride and groom for an extended period of time. Regardless of one’s particular custom, there are many potential benefits to limiting communication between the engagement and marriage ceremony. Here are just a handful: The temporary separation helps to build the suspense and excitement for the enhanced post-marriage relationship. Wedding preparations can sometimes become stressful. Occasionally, even trivial disagreements can lead to major family feuds. As such, it is also a good idea for the engaged couple to try to be as uninvolved as possible with many of the wedding details, such as color themes, decorations and the like. The dating process often causes one to neglect work, school, friends, family or all of the above. Once that match has been made, limiting interactions for a few months can help people put their lives back in order, especially as it is about to undergo an even bigger upheaval. The prohibition against intimacy before marriage (“Shomer Negia”) can become more challenging as passions reach new heights and the marriage date gets closer. Different customs aside, weddings tend to be a time of pure joy that is shared by the bride and groom, together with their friends and family. To learn more about how to find that special someone, see my article on Finding your Soul...
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Posted on Mar 11, 2015 |
Question submitted to “Ask the Rabbi” by: Name: Jay City: Liverpool Age: 26 Profession: Military Full Question: “Hi, I have a question regarding tattoos. My grandmother passed away a few years ago and I have been thinking for a long while about getting her name tattooed in Hebrew as she used to wear a necklace of the same design, and I already have a few tattoos. Neither myself nor my grandmother are Jewish. However, she had very close ties with Jewish communities and would often spend summers visiting friends and family in Israel. I am aware that tattoos are not allowed and was wondering if it would cause any offense if I was to have a Hebrew tattoo? Thanks,” Rabbi Tully Bryks responds: Thank you so much for your meaningful and sensitive question! You are correct that permanent tattoos are prohibited according to Jewish law. That being said, we do not impose our laws on other people. We believe that all of mankind are the children of G-d. We also believe that as children of G-d, there are seven basic moral tenets that everyone should follow. The remaining 613 commandments of the Torah (Bible), plus the thousands of rabbinic commandments are only binding on Jews. As such, there would be no need for you to refrain from getting a tattoo, regardless of the language used. With regard to Holocaust survivors, it is interesting to note that some Rabbinic authorities have encouraged them them to keep their tattoos and wear them as badges of honor. Regarding the question of causing offense, while I certainly can’t speak for anyone else, I view it as a beautiful gesture to your mother. In addition, the honor you are giving her is further magnified by the fact that you even took the time to ask this question to assure that your noble gesture was not tainted in any...
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Posted on Mar 10, 2015 |
Question submitted to “Ask the Rabbi” by: Name: Gia Full Question: “i have a question…… where in the torah does it state that us as humans were given our bodies which is god like and to treat them as a holy vessel without having them undergo anything that is unnecessary? i am referring to vaccinations in particular. i know we are created in gods image and people can interpret this how they will (i believe this is in genesis). Regarding vaccinations, its not like a life and death (god forbid) such as a baby being born lets say and a woman having to undergo an emergency c section…..so, is there anything along these lines written in the torah at all? maybe like unnecessary injecting or harming of the body. i know tattoos and i think holes in the body like piercings are specifically spoken about. thank u again. please let me know.“ Rabbi Tully Bryks responds: There are many references in the Torah to us having been created “in the image of G-d” as well as the need to “protect your health.” While the question of body piercing is more subjective (there is no problem with a woman having her ear pierced), the prohibitions against permanent tattoos is clearly stated in Vayikra (Leviticus) 19:28. The question of vaccinations can sometimes become an emotional topic and I’m not here to take sides. Since we are commanded to take care of our health, it is incumbent upon us to follow the best medical information available. Nowadays, not all medical professionals agree as to the best course of action. While many rabbis may be experts on Jewish law, most are not experts on the latest medical breakthroughs. As such, most leading Rabbinic authorities would advocate following the advice of the majority of medical professionals, which currently seems to be a pro-vaccination stance. Some would even consider it a Mitzvah (commandment) to vaccinate as a means to protect the health of our children and the health of those around them. Other rabbinic authorities maintain that no such requirement exits. Even those who agree with the value of vaccinations will sometimes not require it as long as 90% of the population is vaccinated, as a “herd immunity” exists, which helps to minimize the risks for everyone. Ultimately, when it comes to medical questions, you are best off consulting the doctor who you believe is most qualified to make decisions on this subject. This will help ensure that you are trying to fulfill the commandment of “protecting your health” regardless of the position that your doctor happens to take. May your efforts be rewarded with a long and healthy life for you and your...
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Posted on Mar 10, 2015 |
Question submitted to “Ask the Rabbi” by: Name: Michael City: Surrey Profession: Mason Full Question: “How do I ask Hashem (God) to help me quit smoking?” Rabbi Tully Bryks responds: One way to look at our body is that G-d has given us a free loan. He wants us to utilize the resources that He gave us to make the most of our time here in this world. At the end of our lives, He will be taking our “loaner body” back, although our soul will live on forever. He expects us to return the body in good condition, without any signs of neglect. As such, we are commanded to take good care of our bodies. While there were times when the dangers of smoking were unclear, the consensus in the medical community today is that smoking can cause lots of damage to our bodies. As such, it is against Jewish law to start smoking. Once someone is addicted, there is sensitivity that stopping cold turkey may not the best solution for everyone, so each individual is charged with finding the best method for them. So how does one quit smoking? When it comes to any pursuit or goal in life, there are really two components: Hishtadlus – reasonable effort that we must exert Bitachon – Trust in G-d that He will provide what we need to complement our efforts For part one, you should probably consult an addiction specialist or a mental health professional with experience in this area. They can work with you to formulate an action plan to quit smoking. It is essential that you follow every step of the action plan without skipping or dismissing any of them. For part two, G-d loves to hear our prayers. Open up your heart to Him and let Him know how much this means to you. Ask Him to give you the strength that you need to finally quit, and to help limit or eliminate any urges going forward. Let Him know how much you love Him and that you want to use your body for more productive things. You may even want to list some of the positive things you would plan to do with the new-found extra time and money at your disposal, thanks to kicking the habit. Once G-d sees that you are sincere and genuinely making your best effort to stop, He will provide the assistance you need so that you can achieve your goals. However, He will not force your hand and the final decision will be up to you! May you realize the inner strength that you already have and fully reach your potential in this...
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Posted on Mar 9, 2015 |
Question submitted to “Ask the Rabbi” by: Name: John City: Kentucky Full Question: “In what century did the Jewish people stop the practice of polygamy?” Rabbi Tully Bryks responds: Polygamy was banned in most Jewish communities in the first half of the 11th century. The consensus among the leading Ashkenazik authorities is that this ban is to be observed indefinitely. Even prior to the ban, polygamy was rarely practiced by Jews and it was frowned upon. So why did the Torah ever allow it? While one can never comprehend the infinite wisdom behind any of the commandments, here are a couple of possible explanations: In times of war, there could be situations where the female to male ratio is 10:1, 50:1 or even 100:1. In times of extreme poverty, polygamy enabled multiple women to be sustained. For example, the Talmud relates that a wealthy Kohen (priest) married 300 women in order to provide food for them, as the Kohen’s food (which comes from Truma) can only be shared with one’s wife and children. Ultimately, a man who married multiple wives had to adhere to a cumbersome set of rules to help ensure that each wife was adequately provided for, both financially and emotionally. These rules may have been one of the reasons why polygamous relationships were so...
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Posted on Mar 9, 2015 |
Question submitted to “Ask the Rabbi” by: Name: Benjamin City: Delray Beach, Florida Full Question: “Does God want us to be healthy? If yes, why didn’t he give us nutritional commandments instead of just kosher commandments? People can get very sick (high cholesterol, colon cancer, etc.) and die eating too much kosher meat. If yes, why didn’t He give us other nutritional commandments such as “Don’t boil vegetables because you destroy all the nutrients.” That’s the truth whether you know it or not. We’re supposed to eat vegetables for nutrition that keep us alive and healthy. He never told us that. How about “Don’t cook your food in oil because it makes the food nearly indigestible?” That’s a fact too whether you know it or not. Kosher doesn’t mean healthful. It may be better than nothing but not by much. I repeat: People can get very sick (high cholesterol, colon cancer, etc.) and die eating too much kosher meat. Either G-d doesn’t know those things or He doesn’t care that we get sick.” Rabbi Tully Bryks responds: As I have indicated in other articles on my website, we believe that G-d is all-knowing and genuinely cares about us. If so, that would make it even more strange that there are no specific directives about proper eating and dieting? Think about all of the dieting books and programs that could have been eliminated had G-d spelled everything out for us. Yet, the Torah does command us to “guard your health.” How can we reconcile that? In many ways, G-d has actually made us partners in His creation of the world. G-d created life, yet we are the ones who are commanded to procreate. He created trees, yet we are the ones who build boats and houses. He created wheat, yet we are the ones who harvest it and make bread. He created plants, yet we are the ones who figure out how to utilize those plants to produce medicines. The Torah did not include an instruction manual on how to achieve any of these developments as we are empowered to take the raw materials that G-d provided and improve upon them. Similarly, when it comes to commandments, G-d often gives us a general principal, which is applied based on the subjective norms or knowledge of the society we live in. When we pray to G-d, we are required to dress in a way that is respectful for royalty. But G-d never legislated what kind of clothing is required. As such, it can become very subjective and often changes from one generation to the next, or even within different communities. For example, in most communities in the U.S., a suit and tie would be deemed respectful attire when meeting royalty. In many communities in Israel, that standard might be a nice button-down shirt. On a Kibbutz, that standard might even be...
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