Can I still be a good Jew even if I don’t observe many of the commandments?

Posted on Sep 17, 2013 | 2 comments

Question submitted to “Ask the Rabbi” by:

Name: David

City: Zagreb, Croatia

Profession: Computers

Full Question:

“I converted to Judaism 12 years ago and lived as a Modern Orthodox Jew for more than a decade. I love the Torah and I always found keeping the commandments very fulfilling.

Now I live in a country in which it is very difficult to keep the commandments. There are no hechshers on food. There is no kosher meat. There are no synagogues. There’s no place to buy mezuzzahs. It is not safe to wear a kipa. Everyday observant life is virtually impossible and observing the holidays is very tough. (I made matzoh for Pesach, very carefully, but there is no kosher wine or grape juice here. Just for instance.)

Perhaps I should not have moved here, but I am here now, with a family. They are eager to be Jewish as well, through conversion, but there is no authority to grant an orthodox conversion here. I cannot afford to leave this country at this point, and there is no Jewish community I can join. I am on my own…and I have learned the hard way that a Jew in isolation from the Jewish community is something less than a Jew.

When I lived in the U.S., I was always judgmental about conservative and reform Judaism. If you didn’t observe halacha, then in what sense were you Jewish? Now I find myself unable to observe halacha but I still consider myself Jewish. If I remain observant to the best of my ability, but accept that this will not be the kind of life I lived as an Orthodox Jew, how can I accept myself? I still judge that kind of lifestyle harshly as a betrayal of the Covenant.

I have fallen away from observance, and this troubles me.

Historically, I know that communities of Jews have been prevented from being observant, and somehow kept their Jewish identity alive. That gives me hope.

What kinds of options would you say are open to me? Do you have any hopeful or encouraging thoughts?”

Rabbi Tully Bryks responds:

Being that I don’t face the challenges that you confront on a daily basis, I’m not sure that I can provide the encouragement that you need. But I’d like to share three concepts that I hope can be helpful.

1. A person’s status as a Jew is determined by his birthright (matrilineal descent), or choice to join the fold (as you did), and it is not determined by his philosophy or observance level. As as such, a Jew is a Jew and is always considered one of our brothers (or sisters) regardless of whether or not his/her lifestyle conforms to my understanding of right and wrong. We are like one family and we need to always be there to support one another.

2. While you can and should be proud of your accomplishments, Judaism teaches us that even though there are objective standards of right and wrong as delineated by the Torah, we have no right to judge others. So we are really left with a dichotomy. With regard to specific actions or philosophies, we can proudly proclaim our confidence in our values, including:

• Every word of the Torah comes from an omnipotent, omniscient and benevolent G-d.
• The written Torah contains 613 commandments, and we may not modify, add or subtract from these Biblical commandments (The Rabbis are permitted and encouraged to erect “fences” around the Torah to help protect the 613, as long as it is clear that these “fences” are Rabbinic injunctions and not additional to the 613).
• When G-d gave us the written Torah (5 Books of Moses) at Mount Sinai, He also gave the “Oral Torah,” which consists of greater details about each of the 613 commandments, missing narratives, Divine methods to derive lessons from the written text and Mystical aspects of the Torah, among other things.

On the other hand, when it comes to an individual who transgresses one of the commandments or even disagrees with some of the philosophies of the Torah, we can and never should think that we are any better than him/her. From G-d’s perspective, that person may actually be on a much higher level than we are. We can never fully know the details of of someone’s life or their challenges or what they really believe and we can often even misconstrue their actions.  So while many of us are very good of rationalizing our own mistakes as justified, we need to try at least as hard to refrain from passing judgement on other people. Only G-d is the true judge.

3. Judaism is NOT an “All or nothing” religion. No one is perfect, not even the greatest Rabbis in the world. So G-d does not expect us to be perfect. Rather, He wants us to be the best us that we can be. You write that you want to remain observant to the best of your ability. I hope and pray every day that I am being observant in my own life to the best of my ability! But don’t set goals and expectations for yourself that are unrealistic. There are two different ways to be “imperfect” (which we all are), one of which is conducive to spiritual growth and one of which is not. For example, let’s take the issue of Kosher that you mentioned. One approach is to rationalize that “Kosher is an outdated law” or “Kosher is immoral.” But a more positive approach, which sounds very much like the one you have, is to say I know that G-d wants me to keep Kosher and I really want to be fully Kosher. But in the place where I am right now in my life, it is not realistic for me to keep it perfectly, but I’ll try to the best of ability. This latter approach is all that G-d asks of us. I have several students who have told me that they would very much like to keep Shabbos (the Sabbath) and they know that they are supposed to, but they currently need to drive a car on Shabbos due to family harmony, financial or other challenging obstacles. If I realize that it is not realistic for them to refrain from driving at this point, I will sometimes suggest that they avoid turning on the radio while they are driving the car. In this way, even though they are not keeping Shabbos perfectly, they are still able to enhance Shabbos in their own way, while still maintaining the goal of eventually being able to observe it fully.

I want to give you a Bracha (blessing) that you are eventuality able to find a way to relocate to a place where you won’t be isolated anymore and can once again be fully part of a Jewish community – Your extended family. In the meantime, may G-d give you the strength to continue to be the best you that you can be!

To learn more about this topic, click on any of the suggestions below: